Posted by: estheramy | July 12, 2012

Dear Esther

Dear Esther,

I deleted the embarrassing poem over and over again, and it won’t go away   😦    OMG!  It’s so humiliating that I’m blushing, laughing and having a panic attack, all at the same time.  “AnyWAY,” as you always say……  Or, “anyhoo!”

I feel so indebted to Elizabeth Gilbert who of course I have never met, for suggesting in “Eat, Pray and Love” that women and men who’ve read about her adventure–her travels to Bali, India and Italy, continue on their own adventure back home and our “Excellent Adventure” has continued “magnificently”   the word the medium in current used to say of how our meditating helped John of God incorporate the entities. When you get a chance, I’d love for you to post a pic of the entities, possibly the photo in the room where Tanya gave me a massage, you know the one.I used to love hearing her say, “Magnificent work,” and when I pray, reading my prayers (or the photocopied prayers we received from the Casa, I hear her voice in my head, I hear the cadences, the tone and the timbre of her voice– reciting, singing, intoning prayer–a passionate, rhapsodic, pleading voice that ultimately came to a climax, as if she was imploring a lover to come to her…side.  I hear her voice so resoundingly (And, I assure you, I’m not “hearing voices”; I’m not hallucinatory, but I can hear her particular voice so accurately that I’m thinking again about Ryan’s questions to me at our dinner at Flemings 9which I’m going to relate in this blog entry.).  I believe I have “acquired” mediumistic abilities as a result of our journey to Abadiania to see John of God.  Ryan asked me during our dinner at Flemings if I thought I had acquired mediumship as a result of our journey together.  I was tentative during our conversation but I am certain now–the answer is yes, my hearing has become more acute (remember I told you that while in current, I was able to hear both the rapturous voice of the medium “in current”and also, every word spoken by the Portuguese speaker in the Assembly room, both simultaneously?  I am sure you are not surprised, Esther, for you are able to listen to and respond to many “conversations” at once, you listen, OK, read your conversations with people online, people who e mail you, and at the same time, you are able to answer “hubby”, “Bee” “Noe” and moi who are all talking to you at once, while you are working.

Yesterday, I was reading over the list of mediumship abilities in “Spiritual Cures.”  I am elated, Esther, that I bought that particular book in the Casa bookstore.  “I love it” as you say, in a gleeful voice.  The mediumship abilities are as follows: mediums of physical effects, speakers, seers, hearers, intuitive, inspired, psychographers, and healers. (p.18)  I don’t need the phrase ‘they are as follows’ but i like the rhythm of the phrase, and the way the phrase sounds, so serious and formal and legalistic; I believe King Solomon who was a judge may have just “put in his two cents!)  I pray my heightened hearing will continue because before it was enhanced, Dad used to tell me in an insulting tone that I was deaf.  Also, I’ve been blessed with “graphology” sometimes.  i say “sometimes” because some of my writing, including my blogs, feels inspired.  And some, not. 😦  I’m reminded of the interviewer in “Spiritual Cures” saying that although John of God is always able to incorporate the entities, he is not always in an incorporated state of being.  In other words, not “24/7” as you used to say.

I felt stuck for a couple of days, for the most incomprehensible reason.  It wasn’t “writers block”; it was something else having to do with Ryan!

I felt as if I was channeling during my conversation with Ryan, as if I was incorporating an entity from the Casa, and I felt–and feel–strongly that I am not worthy.  I hasten to tell you that you also, though you probably are not aware of it–or maybe you are!–probably have incorporated mediumistic abilities.  I am convinced that you also are a medium.  “Really!!”  I can hear you say.

Of course, your dad has been telling me that I am completely out of my mind; he told me today that I have gone completely out of my mind and should be committed to an insane asylum.

I’ve been obsessed with the conversation that Ryan initiated with me, ever since our “Last Supper” at Flemings, and it scared me, Esther, it scared me.  (I mean, “frightened” of course.)

On one hand, I felt flattered that this young man was paying such intense attention to me.  (As you did, Omar, when you came over to our house.)  But, on the other hand, I felt not only as if Ryan were interviewing me (and I told him at the time that he is an excellent interviewer) but that he was acting like…The Inquisitor.  I am so superstitious, or invested in magical thinking, Esther that I am afraid to even google The Inquisitor on my computer.  I think The Inquisitor is a character in Dante’s Inferno.  I seem to remember him as a judge deeming whether somebody–Dante?–was worthy of entering heaven.  So, the person–Dante–?  was being questioned.  I felt as though Ryan was interrogating me.  He was directing his questions exclusively to me:

1.  Do you think as a result of your trip with Esther, you have acquired healing powers?

2.  As a result of your trip with Esther, have you experienced altered states?

3.  Are you aware that you’re in an altered state when you’re experiencing one?

4.  What does the altered state feel like?

Even if I don’t capitalize on the feeling of being in an altered state (like yesterday when after dinner, I drove over to the Jewel food store to get laundry detergent for “Basha” I felt as if I was in an altered state, before, during, and as I drove home.  I felt exactly like I did, on that first night when we arrived in Abadiania.  I felt guided!  Even if it sounds silly to hopefully potential future readers of  that I would feel guided going to the Jewel food store, I felt ecstatic.  The colors! Enhanced by my altered state–turquoise! scarlet rose! lemon yellow!–the sky appeared like a watercolor painting by a water colorist painter.  Caressed by the balmy breezy air, and beyond all the physical beauty of our…ordinary?–not to me–neighbor hood, I felt a oneness with everybody in my universe: with a lady walking her dog, with a bearded man shopping for groceries in the Jewel food store, with the Indian woman who was “checking me out”  (I mean, my groceries!) with the sorrowful (I love the word ‘sorrowful’) Hispanic bagger, and most over sweepingly, beyond any aforementioned feeling or heightened senses tasting–I just drank sink water; so delicious (seeing, hearing, smelling–I haven’t mentioned the sense of smell, yet–food has been tasting, since our adventure–delicious!–the crispy fish that “Ox” made last night, golden trout, purchased by moi at Roberts, a Kosher fish store–I’m kissing my fingertips, Esther; Mwa! Everything Ox Cohen prepares tastes scrumptious to me…speaking of the sense of taste, I’m experiencing a little heartburn right now…and mediums have more physical ailments once they become mediums according to “Spiritual Healing” I left the most prevalent “feeling” out until now–a sense of being in sync with the universe, my universe, the one G-d, John of God, and all the people and places connected to the Casa de Dom Inacio helped me create.

Love Always,





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